It's been two years since I registered this blog and I hadn't done a thing. Today I posted my Diagrams and Drawings pages, and I'll be adding to those as I scan old art and produce new examples. I had originally intended simply to post personal projects and talk a little about being a paleontologist, but I have moved on from that job. I moved back from Wyoming to Georgia to be with my wife in March and am still looking for a steady job to support myself while I try to advertise my art. I'm taking my unemployment as a sign and an opportunity to direct my energies to become known by my art.I've been at updating my LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ to reflect what I can do, and this blog is part of my efforts to make an online presence. I'm known as ZelKwin on everything right now, because none of my accounts were intended to be professional. I guess that means all new professional accounts? How do real adults manage their reputations?
I just got back from the Guild of Natural Science Illustrators conference and I felt like I could really succeed at being a Freelance Illustrator on Friday afternoon, but by Friday night I was feeling pretty hopeless. I'm basically out of money at this point and my wife is the only reason I'm not homeless and starving. I thought I had 2 really good job prospects, but one has turned out to be commission when thought it was full time and the other is soul sucking, exploitative, cut throat, AND commission, but I have it if I want it! I'm am having trouble making intelligent decisions because I'm terrified of pulling my wife and I into poverty and homelessness, but I don't know enough about these jobs to know if I should or even can turn them down. I can't tell what thoughts are depression, delusion, or realism and I can't trust the employers to be honest about the job because they are selling themselves just as much as I am, they are the very people who could answer my questions. It a totally separate track, my mother convinced me to apply to a local tech college to get an A.S. in art (I have all but 4 classes from my UGA degree), but that requires pouring money into sending ACT, SAT, and AP scores, and transcripts, so I can't do any of that right now, which means I can't complete applying. Also, an advisor told me I shouldn't get a degree just because I can, but because it's an essential part of a plan towards employment, which sounds incredibly reasonable.
I know I can do things, but I'm starting to feel like none of the things I want to offer have monetary value, like my only value in the job market is as a polite, replaceable voice behind a desk. I don't know how to combat that feeling. If you've been here, I'd like to hear from you. If you're still here, let's encourage each other. I can proofread your cover letters or or we can just talk.
Thank you for reading. Have a cute shield bug nymph.
